I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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