make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
