When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
