I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
