You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
