hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
