You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You ruined the universe
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
