so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
