Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
