I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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