someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
