She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
