Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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