I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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