just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
