Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
