It's Friday. Sex?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
