Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
