So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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