he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
