Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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