Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
