Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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