Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
