I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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