My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
