They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am mentally ready for anal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
