Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
