I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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