I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
