Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
