tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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