Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
