from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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