I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I deserve this hangover.
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