and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
