I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
