oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
