Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
