What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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