OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
