you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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