kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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