It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
