We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
