can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
