Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
