so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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