apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
