it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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