Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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