Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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