He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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