Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize