Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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