Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
BRING THE BAGELS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
