My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
