jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
