:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
