no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
