So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
