His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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