my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
