my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
