He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
