The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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