He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
sex in a hospital.. check
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
