After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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