it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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