He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
