quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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