then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
