dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
