I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
