I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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